Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
