I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
