I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
