dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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