on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
