meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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