to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
