im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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