we have officially lost it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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