In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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