look no pants
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
