dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
