I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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