just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
