at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
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cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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