Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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