he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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