You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize