I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
