dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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