suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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