You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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