You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
