If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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