My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
