im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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