I puked a lego.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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