You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
