Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
