mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
