How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
