Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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