Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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