Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
