she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
