her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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