You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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