she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize