worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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