She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
