remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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