We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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