It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
