Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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