I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
