Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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