i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
