her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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