i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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