eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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