I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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