If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
