we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
