If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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