Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think my vagina is haunted
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
