You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
