I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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