Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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