I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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