he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
