fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
