so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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