Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
