I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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