I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
false alarm. still invincible.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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