take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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