I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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