To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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