we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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