we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
