I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
