Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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