Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
