Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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