did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize