i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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